Navigating Post-Grad [Part 1: Feeling Lost]

After staying in Irvine for 4 years, on June 30th, 2019, I packed up my car and officially moved back home.

I began to miss:

• Spending time with my housemates cooking together and enjoying our home cooked meals
• Making spontaneous, effortless plans with friends since we all lived walking distance away from each other
• The overall environment where I learned how to fail and grow stronger

But, I also felt relieved.

I spent my final year severely wearing myself out due to my commitments and I no longer had those obligations on my shoulders.

I finally had time to do nothing. By that, I mean watch all the shows I’m behind on and the video games I haven’t touched in forever.

How excited I was to binge watch all the shows I was behind on

I turned into a full potato. I went on a full out anime binge and you bet it felt amazing. Well…at least I thought so.

Falling Into a Hole

Reality began creeping in and this amazing feeling I had due to my free schedule shifted to unsettling insecurity.

You know that feeling when you eat too many sweets and eventually you feel oversaturated from the sugar. That’s what happened to me. But why?

When I moved back home, my lifestyle shifted.

• I dealt with assimilating into a new environment because my family moved houses when I was in undergrad, so this would be the longest time I would stay in this new home.
• I rarely went outside. Compared to typically going out every other day back in Irvine.
• Seeing my parents work, while I didn’t began to plant a seed of failure in my head.

I began feeling unmotivated and to some extent helpless, maybe even lifeless. My favorite hobbies felt numb to me.

I hit a wall and I needed to do something.

I had this indescribable urge of needing purpose. At a smaller and simplistic level, I just needed work. I sought a new change of pace to break me out of this hole I fell into.

I applied day after day to countless jobs and internships. Yet, I felt every job application going into a deep, black hole. It was brutally exhausting.

Every rejection breaks your soul bit by bit.

I was no different. I got extremely frustrated at myself. Why?

Why do I have to be letting everyone down? I thought to myself.

It took me a while to realize I had set these expectations on myself. I always have.

I was my biggest critic.

Finding my Silver Lining

After moving back home, I distanced myself from social media for a bit. I didn’t go out like I used to either. One day a friend called and wanted to catch up.

They reminded me of everything I accomplished, how much I’ve grown, and the hardships I overcame. I persevered in those 4 years.

With that, I changed my perspective. Even though, I felt the world was against me because nothing was working out at the time. I held on to a glimmer of hope. I believed that I will be okay.

I climbed out of my hole by being honest with myself instead of labeling expectations. Connecting with friends again revitalized and boosted my growth mindset.

My urge to find purpose was appropriate. It felt absolutely terrifying, but it was still a sign that I wanted to move forward.

That I wanted to grow and change. This meant treating rejections as redirection and pushing through the difficult times.

All I needed was one opportunity to prove myself and even though I felt helpless and insecure, I knew my time would come.

How I felt reaching towards that small glimmer of hope

And it did.

By the end of July, I received my letter offering me admission to the MS in Project Management program at the University of Southern California.

This letter strengthened my belief in my abilities and gave me my big break.

I did not know it at the time, but this letter would unlock so many doors and opportunities I could have never imagined.

In Retrospect

A year ago, I constantly criticized myself severely and it was not healthy. I felt I needed everything figured out. I hated myself for taking such a break and wasting time watching anime. I failed to look at why I deserved it.

We are quick to discredit ourselves for breaks. Yet, we forget to reflect on how far we’ve come.

I remember comparing myself to motivated, driven individuals out of college, which only made my feelings worse. We often push ourselves to extreme limits because we constantly measure our self worth relative to other people. We feel inferior. When in reality, we are not.

Everyone moves at their own pace. So, stop trying to match someone else’s. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished already.

More importantly, we don’t need to have everything figured out.

We feed ourselves this narrative that we need everything figured out once we graduate. That is not true.

We obsess and overwhelm ourselves with this “list” of what we need to do post-grad. Take it one step at a time. You might feel terrified and uncertain entering the world of adulting, but that’s normal.

It’s okay to not be okay. Just know you will be okay.

Be patient with yourself and the entire process. Regardless of the challenges you will face, you will also make new discoveries about yourself.

Face uncertainty and discomfort on your journey because that means you are learning and growing.

Keep believing in yourself and work hard — your efforts will pay off!